


the light in this mist

by hongjoongitsforyou



Series: me projecting my feelings into ateez fanfictions [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, No Smut, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, hongjoong is sad, yunho is cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 07:24:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21388324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongjoongitsforyou/pseuds/hongjoongitsforyou
Summary: Hongjoong doesnt think he'll be able to take it anymore. He's been this way for a while. Thinking way too much. Thinking until it hurts.He doesn't think anyone there anymore. But Yunho is, and he'll kiss those thoughts away.
Relationships: Jeong Yunho/Kim Hongjoong, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: me projecting my feelings into ateez fanfictions [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1541908
Kudos: 54





	the light in this mist

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is basically me projecting my issues into hongjoong. I've been having a bad time lately, and I thought why not? I read somewhere that writing can relieve stress, and I kinda need that :/  
Please tell me if you like it! And if you want leave your twitter and I'll follow youuu  
sorry for any typing mistakes :/ its my fist fic so please be patient with me!
> 
> Important : please listen or read the lyrics to the songs mentiones. Especially the last one at the end!

Hongjoong wasn't feeling good. And it had been that way for a while, but he didn't say that when he excused himself from going with his members to the doctor to support Mingi. He knew he was being selfish, but for once he just wanted to be all by himself. And it's not like he couldn't be alone, he could, but his cold studio had no comparison to being in the dorm alone, with the opportunity to have a long warm shower, stealing some chocolate he knew Wooyoung had hidden somewhere, or even watching some cliche movie and being able to cry all by himself.  
He ended up doing the former, entering the shower before his members left, cause he knew he would end up going if he saw them leave. So that's how he ended in his current position.

Sitting in the shower with the water running through his body, and his sad Troye Sivan & Harry Styles playlist playing in the back. Currently screaming to "Talk me Down" and crying, he thought about everything he had been trying to avoid for the last months. He thought of how bad of a leader he had become, not taking care of Mingi knowing he was more likely to get hurt. Thinking about how sad Jongho had been because he knew that he wouldnt be sharing stages with his boyfriend for the next months. He thought about how his latest mental block had taken him to not be able to write one song in the last 13 days.   
He had come to the conclusion that he really just was an utter failure. He had worked so hard to be where he was, and now that he had achieved it, he was just wasting it. He wanted to meet more fans, write as many songs as he could, to show his best personality, and just be happy. But he wasn't. 

At some point, he even thought that he could actually come out and that he would be accepted for what he was, a truly gay, gay boy. But he hadn't had the courage to do much. He had told Seonghwa, who he knew would react with the sweet smile he always gave in those type of situations. Then proceeded to tell Hongjoong that he had known for ages, but that doesnt matter.   
He wanted to tell the members, because he trusted them, and they trusted him. Mingi and Jongho were already in a relationship for fucks sake, and he couldn't even tell them that he was gay.   
To be honest, he didn't want to blow his cover. He knew that if he were to tell the rest that he wasn't straight (like everyone thought), he wouldn't get to stare as Yunho as long as he did, or tell him that outfits looked nice on him, eventhough they really looked hot as fuck. He wouldn't even get to cuddle him when Yunho was feeling homesick, and that just made him sad. He knew that this was all wrong, and that eventhough Yunho was with San (and Hongjoong had to say that eventhough he was stupidly in love with him, he and San looked adorable while cuddling and sharing small secrets constantly(  
So he decided since he was not telling anyone else his whole gay thing (read : Yunho gay thing), he might as well not tell them any issue at all.

.  
.  
.

Hongjoong ended up using a good forty minute shower to get rid of some of his bottled up emotions, and decided when "Lights Up" came up, to call it a night.   
Wooyoung had texted him during his shower, asking him if he wanted to join them to eat some bibimbap at the restaurant they always went went they were going to celebrate something, but Hongjoong didn't feel like 1 celebrating 2 going to a restaurant half an hour away (taxi probably more expensive than his life) and 3 celebrating (he really did not feel like celebrating) ; so he just told them that he was going to sleep. Which he planned on. 

Of course nothing ever goes as planned, since the minute he goes out of the bathroom in his purple bathrobe, he is met with a wall.   
Not literally a wall, just Yunho. 

"Hi hyung " he tell Hongjoong looking downwards (yeah d o w n w a r d s). 

"Hi Yunho-yah" he replies, looking to his feet knowing that in that way he won't see his puffy eyes. "I didn't know you stayed, I thought you all had-"

"I wanted to stay here" Yunho tilts Hongjoong's chin so that he's looking at him. "Go get changed. I'm making ramen"

Hongjoong wants to say something. Anything, that might get him out of this gay panic future problem. But he just stares at Yunho that shows him his sweetest smile and just can't. So he just tries to smile back, grimacing instead, and heads to his room when Yunho lets go of him.   
He enters his room knowing there won't be no Seonghwa there to judge him, and props himself into his bed, grunting to nothing. 

After a good thirty seconds of dealing with a mid life crisis, he changes from his beloved robe to some sweatpants and a hoodie he founds somehwere in the floor (if you live with seven other males, nothing is quite yours again). As he reaches the living room he can listen to Yunho singing his chorus of "Light" (Hongjoong's favorite part in his actually favorite song, because Yunho's vocals were something else, but no had to know that) ; and befores he know it Hongjoong is smiling and trying to be as less noisy as he can so that he can continue listening. 

He should have thought that through because the second Yunho turns around he screams loud and clear,  
"Hyung!" Yunho puts a hand over his heart. "Are you trying to kill me??" 

"Oh sorry, I didnt mean to scare you" Hongjoong says in a small voice. "I was just listening to you and you looked so peaceful and I didnt want to interfere w-"

"Its okay hyung, I was just in my head" He smiles and takes Hongjoong's shoulders. "Let's eat now, I made beef ramen".

Hongjoong can't quite think for a moment, because beef ramen is his favorite food and he didn't think anyone knew that. But then he does remember that he's being impolite and goes to help Yunho set the table. He then sees Yunho going straight for the couch with the two steaming bowls and follows behind him with the drinks. 

"Thanks" he says when he's given his bowl. "You didn't have to cook though"

"I wanted to" he says simply. "I wanted to do something nice for you, and I won't force you to tell me anything, but just know that I'm here for you"

Hongjoong basically chokes on a piece of beef. "Wh- Wha-" He proceeds to choke some more.   
"What do you mean?"

"When the dorm is silent, every small sound is heard, even crying, you know."

Hongjoong sets down his bowl, knowing that he cant lie and sya that he's fine, and he doesnt feel like hiding what he feel to Yunho if he asks. "I- I dont know, I guess- I guess I feel like a failure". he feels his vision blur while he's looking straight into his lap. Then, he feels he's being manhandled, and knowing that it's Yunho, and just wanting to enjoy the physical contact for the last time, he lets him. 

He ends up in Yunho's lap and snuggling into the crook of his neck, while crying quietly and trying to tell Yunho as much as he can. He listens to everything Hongjoong says.

"I know this is wrong- Me being here, while San is out with the others, knowing that you two are together and everything-"

Wait" Yunho creates a space between them. Hongjoong feels his heart break. "What?"

"i'm sorry, okay? I can't help my feelings, and I know I'm selfish and taking all this alone time and snuggling with you, while San is out there and you're together, and I'm-"

"Hongjoong-ah"

"No, please, let me finish." He sighs instantly regretting ruining everithing just a little bit more. "Being in love with you is hard and I want to stop because of San but I-"

He doesn't get to finish.  
Because Yunho's lips are on him.  
Hongjoong has never been more confused in his life.

"You know, if this kiss is going to be one sided just let me know cause-" Yunho starts talking. Hongjoong finally undestands. So maybe, just maybe, San and him are not together. In that two second period, he comes to the conclusion that explanations come later and goes straightly into Yunho.

Yunho yelps in surprise but accepts him nonetheless. Yunho falls backwards into the couch and Hongjoong fists Yunho's hoodie. They basically share small kises, and Hongjoong feel in heaven. He feels that Heaven by Troye Sivan could be in the background and for once, it wouldn't enter into his sad playlist, but maybe into his happy one. 

\- - - - -  
Explanations do come. San was actually with Wooyoung. And Hongjoong didn't know. And Yeosang and Seonghwa were also together. Hongjoong also did not know. Yunho had been in love with him for a the last year. And Hongjoong didn't know (give credit to him though because he had been pining over Yunho for 3 years and Yunho didn't have a clue so..).  
he finally talks about his problems.  
They all think he's the best leader.  
He cries.   
They cry as well.

His thoughts stop hurting.

He finally writes a song.  
It's called "Mist".  
He dedicates it to Yunho.

**Author's Note:**

> Read the lyrics to Mist and cry : check  
Please tell me if you like it! And if you want leave your twitter and I'll follow you<3
> 
> Please smile, tell someone if you don't feel good, drink water and take care of yourselves!


End file.
